When you become a mom, self-care is a vital aspect of caring for your family, but arguably, nothing is as important as a mom’s mental health.
As a mom, you probably put your family’s needs above your own on a daily basis. You might not feel like you have time to worry about your own well-being, especially when it comes to mental health.
Mental health, however, matters for moms in particular. As many as 1 in 7 people experience depression during and following a pregnancy – and it’s important to understand that depression can hit anytime a full year after birth (and sometimes, even later, as weaning also can trigger depression).
Even aside from the “official” diagnosis of postpartum depression, many moms also struggle with other mental health conditions, like anxiety and eating disorders.
Although the research exists, many mothers are still hesitant to acknowledge their symptoms or seek treatment. Even if you’re not personally experiencing symptoms, you can still show support for other moms who may be struggling.
Understand that postpartum depression doesn’t just last through the newborn or even infant stage. And of course, many moms struggle with mental health even when it is unrelated to pregnancy and childbirth.
The bottom line? We all need to focus on being more open about moms’ mental health. That starts in everyday conversations, so here are some ways every mom can help normalize mental health discussions.
Know the symptoms.
You might be familiar with postpartum depression as a mom, but do you know about other conditions that can affect a mom’s mental health? Expectant parents might not know about perinatal depression, which up to 20% of pregnant people can experience prior to birth.
The signs of perinatal depression can include:
- Sadness
- Anxiety about the birth or baby’s health
- Irritability
- Thoughts of self-harm or harming the baby
- Difficulty bonding with the baby
After birth, you may experience similar symptoms with postpartum depression. Some can also develop postpartum psychosis, which can involve paranoia, obsessive thoughts, hallucinations, and attempts to harm yourself or your baby. Tragic stories like those of Lindsay Clancy, the Massachusetts mom who shocked her community by allegedly killing her three children and trying to take her own life, bring attention to the risks of postpartum psychosis.
If you find yourself having these thoughts, don’t be afraid to share them with your partner, doctor, or other moms you know. Sharing your symptoms with others is a crucial way to prevent potential tragedy.
Talk about therapy.
We are of the firm belief that more people need to be open about using therapy. Like other mental health resources, therapy is a tool that can be used as needed. Some people might think once you’re in therapy, you need to be in it 24/7, but the truth is, it can be used at different times in your life.
Although you don’t need to tell everyone you know that you’re in therapy, it can be helpful to talk about it sometimes. If you know a new mom or a couple expecting their first baby, consider mentioning that you’ve gone to therapy for postpartum treatment. Even a brief discussion can make them feel more comfortable seeking therapy if they need it.
Therapy is one tool to support mom mental health, but it’s not always easy or accessible. Doctors advise you seek treatment if postpartum sadness lasts longer than two weeks. But you can benefit from therapy no matter how long or how severe your symptoms are.
You may not always feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings with your partner or relative. A therapist can create a separate space for you to unpack your experiences. You can also try family counseling to bring your partner into the conversation and discuss ways you can support each other.
Cultivate coping skills.
Part of caring for any mental health condition is to develop the right coping skills to use when your mind becomes your enemy. You know how hard it is to summon your inner “higher self” when panic attacks strike. Your default patterns might lead you to react with rage or seek to withdraw. What can you do instead?
Talk about your coping skills, which might include activities like the following:
- Exercising: Getting physical is a fabulous way to dissipate anger, stress, and frustration because it lets your body do what nature intended when under pressure: fight back or get out. Moving your body in any way also helps reduce stress hormones and increase levels of “happy” hormones, such as dopamine.
- Writing in a journal: You might write an angry letter you never intend to send, then rip it up or toss it into the fireplace to let go of those negative feelings.
- Practicing yoga or meditation: These practices tap into your parasympathetic nervous system – the side that tells you to relax.
You can go a step further by inviting other moms to join you in these activities. Get a group together to go to a yoga studio each week or push your strollers through the park. These activities can act as an informal support group, where you can share as much or as little as you want.
You may even learn about a new coping skill you can use in your own life. Strength in numbers, right?
Include kids in the conversation.
Parents set the tone for how their kids think about mental health. You may have grown up with a mom who hid her feelings or who used unhealthy coping mechanisms instead of going to therapy. That might be why you now struggle to cope with your challenges.
Break the cycle by making your children feel safe to talk about their emotions. Once you understand the signs of depression, anxiety, and other conditions for yourself, you can be more in tune with your children’s mental health.
If your children are old enough, you can start by having an honest conversation about your mental health. Even though you don’t need to go into every detail, just sharing that you feel sad or scared sometimes can let your kids know that they’re not alone.
You're never alone.
If you’re struggling with depression or anxiety as a mom, you’re not alone. You might not realize how many people around you have gone through the same experiences. Together, we can take the first steps to normalize mental health discussions and to get moms the mental health support they deserve.
Note: If you or any of your loved ones are struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can always reach out to the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling 988. They are available 24/7 by phone or online chat.
*Disclaimer: The advice on CafeMom.com is not a substitute for consultation with a medical professional or treatment for a specific condition. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem without consulting a qualified professional. Please contact your health-care provider with questions and concerns.
