Living in a house with kids makes you understand that things can get messy quickly. A nice way to stop the mess from compounding is to dole out chores to your children. It isn't unreasonable to expect kids to do a bit of work here and there. Some families pay kids an allowance to do their chores, which is an incentive to get things done.
A mom of three boys explained in a Reddit AITA post that her three sons all have jobs around the house. They know their responsibilities and what her expectations are, and if they want their allowance, they have to do the work. One of her boys has been slacking off lately, so she withheld some of his money. He got very upset and claimed that his mom was being unfair, but was she?
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Chores are nothing new in this house.
The original poster explained that all three of her boys had chores starting at age 8. She has twin 12-year-olds and a 10-year-old. She gives them things to do five days a week, and they can complete them at any time that day that they want to. As a bonus, they get $10 each day for completing all of their work. The plan worked great until it didn’t.
“One of my 12 year olds refused to do his chore of the week (sweeping down stairs and wiping down surfaces) for 3 days," she wrote. "The first 2 days he did so without problem, but when his friend asked him to play on Fortnite with him, my son asked for 15 minutes to complete his chore before he got onto the PlayStation. His friend asked what chore he had to do, so my son told him. In response, my son’s friend said 'it’s a good thing my parents don’t make me do girl chores.'"
There are no such things as boy chores and girl chores.
OP explained to her son that all chores are life skills, and people need to learn to clean whether they are a boy or a girl, so he needed to ignore his friend’s ribbing. Even after she told him he needed to do his work, he decided not to for three days. When it came to allowance time, OP docked him for the three days he didn't do his chores, leaving him with only $20. This made him irate, and he called his dad, OP’s ex-husband, to complain.
“My ex husband then proceeded to call me and tell me that I’m in the wrong for only giving him $20 and to imagine how it makes him feel that his brothers got more than he did. I explained to him that our other sons actually did their chores for all 5 days, so they were rewarded accordingly," she explained. "And assured him that if he had decided to start giving the boys an allowance then he can run allowance however he wanted, but this was ultimately the system I had come up with.”
So, who is in the wrong here?
The AITA community felt OP did the right thing by not backing down. Her son didn’t do the work, so tough luck.
Someone wrote, “NTA. You sound like a very thoughtful parent and you’ve laid out a clear and fair system for earning an allowance. Good for you for standing your ground and teaching accountability and consequences alongside it.”
Another Redditor agreed. “You laid out the rules, he agreed and didn’t do his chore. So he didn’t get paid," the person commented. "He f—– around and found out. He’s lucky to get any allowance period, my allowance was being allowed to live in the house. NTA.”
“I know it’s nuanced but that’s not what’s happening. You lose $10 for not doing the chores. I’m not a big fan of taking away earned reinforcement. With that being said, mom was clear on the expectations," another person wrote. "There was known consequences for desired and undesired behavior. And most importantly, follow through. NTA for sure and pretty solid parenting overall."
There were a few concerns.
Redditors thought the punishment was appropriate, but they think $50 a week for kids was a lot of money.
“NTA for withholding chore-based allowance. Potential AH for being overly generous & inadvertently failing to teach your sons the value of a dollar. Unless they're banking most of that (post reads like a 'no'), $50/week per tween a lot of cash," one person pointed out. "Of course Dad complained. He's off the hook to cover entertainment when the kids bring $600/month to play with, plus he has to listen to kid #3 whine (oh, the inequity!). With that large of an allowance, it's surprising you don't have more chores abandoned as it dawns on them that $20 or $30 is just fine if it means dodging dishes or avoiding toilet duties.”
And they think the father needs to get on board.
“You should probably work with his father to fix this issue. You telling a 12 yr old boy that it's not just a girls chore It's going to fall on deaf ears. I don't [think] you really considered how far this went with his friend or what his friends opinion of him means to him. It's going to be a bigger problem than money if you can't get him to respect all work," one person wrote.
"Honestly I probably would have told him that if sweeping a wiping down surfaces is a girls job then it should be quick and easy to him," the person continued. "It gets him to do the work and to respect it but it doesn't pump up the feminist approach that will fall of the deaf ears of a 12 yr old boy.”
And then there was this truth bomb: “It is sad to see toxic masculinity start at such a young age.”
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It’s pretty simple: No work, no pay.
Plenty of Redditors believed OP was justified in holding her son accountable. Some pointed out that chores prepare kids for adulthood and the working world.
If adults don’t meet their job expectations, they get fired. Kids need to learn these lessons; losing a little cash won’t hurt them.
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